I have had many experiences and lived through several shocks, but the feeling that finally I’m standing against all adversities and the future ones, its amazing. The question is… how to be so sure that even the future adversities, everything will be ok?
This is the first step to get out of the binds. As a the biggest kid in the classroom, I got picked on a lot. I was smart, until at some point, I just switched. I began using my body as shield and got into fights, almost every day. I earned my respect of my classmates, but lost the one of my teachers. I grew up molding into every group and every year I had a different laugh, a different attitude and all were similar to those who I was around, who weren’t always the same. Reaching university was a wall. No friends, and all I had were bad habits. I never cared of my self, I always did what others did and told me. There, I was alone but the gods forbid I asked for help. I just tried to look around and see for myself what to do or become. Note: I was not aware I had this behavior, not until years later. But when is that I find this self acceptance? In a psyquiatric ward on September 24 2020. I had depression, anxiety, panic attacks psychotic or schizophrenia, suicide attempts due to the previous two… It was not fun to deal with it after writing blogs years ago about rehabilitation of this, just so I drown in my own words and head five years later, even deeper than before. By my third day in the ward I was alone, I started to sort things out that were in my head. It was like “brain stretching” at least that is how it felt for me. I went back to my life and noticed how I have been and the source of this. Psychologists say this is a normal behavior in kids, but I was really deep into that. To the point that no one noticed. But that was not me! I had to accept that, but who I was today? This was what hit me. Who I wanted to be or become from that that forward? I made peace with myself, cried for a bit and decided to love myself, decided to continue to work under the guidance of my beliefs and step forward as a new human. I started on a diet, I followed through with it, still do, just that I have been side tracked with my other steps. Steps? Since ibstartedbtonpove myself I had to take care of my nails, had to take care of my hygiene, since when you’re depressed, you dont care how many days pass without your body feeling water. I designed a step by step plan that I must follow through. I have to complete the first 4 steps mandatory, then add a fifth or sixth task if needed.
- Shower or bathe.
- Brush teeth and floss.
- Lotion my body.
- Meditate & grounding.
- Any house shore.
- Any hobby.
- Anything else.
- Sleep before midnight.
This had been so far today September 13, my tasks. This thing works. This system for me had worked wonders. why? Cause I do this for me, created by me and is working for me. This is how you accept yourself. When you do things for yourself because you want to be happy with yourself. Believe me, I dont want to be in a psyquiatric ward again, although, I have been to one twise so far.
Being happy with yourself…
I know that I said that I set a diet, but I am around 375 pounds. I’m 32 and my body is becoming harder to move and since I am more aware of myself, I’ve noticed the pains and bone cracks are actually at its limit. My blood tests say I’m healthy, not a single bad sign of cholesterol or diabetes or thyroid problems, just eat healthier and set times for meals and snacks( the healthy ones) lower the carbs and sugars and things will change on its own. My every day tasks have helped me be more happy with myself. Things are more gratifying, but there is a word that I have kept using every time since my fifth day in the ward. “Greatfull” I am greatfull for everything, everytime to everyone. No joke, I have added that to my every day vocabulary in several, possible ways. This has humbled me to a point of content and happiness. Something so simple, yet so powerful has filled my days with happiness, joy and humbleness. Find your word that makes you happy, dont be ashame of it, say it with the heart and it will just do its magic.
Mantain a balance…
Yes, tasks are important, but as said only first 4 are mandatory, the rest are flexible. You cannot force your way through a house shore if it is too much. As an example I’ll use the laundry. Being on this psychological train wreck, makes you lazier and laundry falls in a very deep corner of the binds. If you try to make eight loads a day you will not only be my hero but congratulations you spent the whole day doing one thing and your day wont feel balanced and you’ll be extremely tired. Probably the next day you wont be able to move properly due to muscle sores. I dont know everyone’s limitations, but that, for me, it would be. I cannot go on thinking for others, only for myself, but make a doable plan, a reasonable ammount and just every day work your way through. Eventually it will be done and maybe, just maybe you will blog it of excitement.
Stay true to your self
It is not easy to deal with mental illnesses and do tasks. There are always options that can help you become better person. As long as you stay breathing, you must look for a way to deal with these things and never allow it to overcome you or let it be a reality for you. Stay true to your self by not saying stuff that you dont mean, by lying about what you did and didnt do. Hey you aren’t lying to others, you are lying to your self and that is just DISHONORABLE
you cant do that to yourself, otherwise you will never leave the binds. Stay true to your self and get out of the binds… now what binds you? Think of this and work on it. I know you can do it. Get help if you need medical help, friend help, family’s help, even cannabis helping does not matter from where the help comes from, just as long as it helps you function and be happy, go all in.
Blessed be, I am GREATFULL for you taking the time to read this. Share with those who you think that need a small push out of the binds.